Mostly harmless


Drench warfare

Earthlings have a strange approach to warfare. Their most powerful weapons are designed not to be used. It’s called deterrence and it goes like this: groups begin stockpiling the most fearsome weapons they can possibly devise to deter any would-be adversaries. Then they all get frightened and sign a treaty promising to work towards complete disarmament. And then I suppose it all starts again. Still, in theory, no one ever gets hurt.

What I don’t understand is this: if deterrence is about making sure that everyone knows you have a weapon, why do most of them try to keep it secret?

So it’s possible they’re totally mad and deluded, but I think they’re basically peaceful creatures. Baby earthlings are trained to use water pistols so that when they’re fully grown they can deploy the weapons shown in this picture. Some groups have now upgraded to water cannons. I assume all these weapons are harmless – according to my research, earthlings are not soluble in water.

smolin9



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