smolin9’s snapshots from the Pale Blue Dot

God Spoke

Earthlings have all this religious worship thing going on. I discussed this with polkingbeal67 and he told me they don’t know what their gods look like. This picture suggests otherwise. They sit on these handlebar cycle gods and ride around on them. They’re required to trust in their gods and have faith. I should think they need all the faith they can muster – these things only have two wheels! Do you suppose the secrets of the universe can be revealed in this way? Ridiculously high expectations, if you ask me. The gods I studied here last week only revealed Basingstoke.

You’re supposed to have proper headgear for this cycle worship. I tried getting on one of the two-wheeled gods without headgear and it clearly sensed I was a non-believer. The only part of the universe revealed to me was the pavement. Every time I got on, it keeled over and fell on top of me. I tried it again, and again. Vicious cycle!

Then I visited this place of worship they call a church. The lights were lowered and a choir carrying lighted candles came down the aisle. I realised what was going on as I’d looked it up on my microwocky. I started singing: “Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you…” And they kicked me out! Bizarre. And when I left the church, I saw something that shows how irrational and vexing these Earthlings really are. On the door was a sign saying ‘bicycles must be left outside’.




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About thespeedofdark

David Winship has written an unauthorised autobiography and several critically disdained literary tomes. His work is frequently compared with Steinbeck, Orwell and Hemingway, but unfortunately Mike Steinbeck, Daisy Orwell and Howard Hemingway were all terrible writers. He has been totally overlooked for the most prestigious literary awards worldwide, which is a shame as most of the words are spelled correctly. In fact, his books contain material that ranks with the finest literary works in history: all the right letters are there, just not necessarily in the right order.

Dave’s blog (The Speed Of Dark Blog) is part of his crusade for truth and justice and universal entitlement to free real ale. It may well be that his whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

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Category(s): Humour, Nonsense
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