smolin9’s snapshots from the Pale Blue Dot

A menu of the last meal served to first-class passengers on board the Titanic

This is the menu of the last meal served to first-class passengers on board the Titanic, a primitive ocean-faring vessel that collided with an iceberg on its maiden voyage and sank in the Atlantic Ocean. The food would have been considered a gastronomic delight to the earthlings who consumed it. I can’t really comment on that, but I’m sure it went down well – in more ways than one! Ha ha.

The menu is dated 14 April 1912 (, the day the Titanic sank, killing 1,522 earthlings. It was among hundreds of items from the ship auctioned ahead of the 100th anniversary of its sinking.

Earthlings blow these sort of things completely out of proportion. Unbelievably, the menu sold for £76,000 (the equivalent of approximately 2200 shergs). As for the Titanic itself, it cost 7 million dollars to build the ship and 200 million to make a film about it! Bizarre! I think their distorted sense of proportion derives from their distressingly flawed grasp of mathematics. They have these people called statisticians. They remind me of those strange humanoid creatures polkingbeal67 and I encountered in the Orion cluster when we first started spacecombing all those aeons ago. We called them the percentiles, but we never discovered the real name of the species. We watched three of them out hunting goopmutts. They eventually came across one, grazing on a small moon. The first percentile took a shot with his plasma beam projector and missed it on the left. The second one took aim and missed it on the right. The third one shouted: “We’ve hit it!”




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About thespeedofdark

David Winship has written an unauthorised autobiography and several critically disdained literary tomes. His work is frequently compared with Steinbeck, Orwell and Hemingway, but unfortunately Mike Steinbeck, Daisy Orwell and Howard Hemingway were all terrible writers. He has been totally overlooked for the most prestigious literary awards worldwide, which is a shame as most of the words are spelled correctly. In fact, his books contain material that ranks with the finest literary works in history: all the right letters are there, just not necessarily in the right order.

Dave’s blog (The Speed Of Dark Blog) is part of his crusade for truth and justice and universal entitlement to free real ale. It may well be that his whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

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Category(s): Humour, Nonsense, Oblique
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