The Niffis Crisis

Morys Minor’s most watched news channel

More than 50 Chilloks have died in fresh violence in the city of Niffis, as Naaffab protesters loyal to the ousted President Keshiak clash again with security forces. Behind me is a city in torment, ransacked, bombarded and looted. It may look like a big inoffensive pile of dirt, but closer inspection reveals a cauldron of street riots and seething hatreds. The latest trouble started with a gruesome dismembering in a busy market place in the Muqu quarter of the city, when a mob dragged the bloodied antennae of a prominent Naaffab cleric and three others through the streets while security officials stood by.

When we arrived from Morys four kins ago, the Naaffab-led interim government, comprising representatives of the city’s minority Muqu and Mishah communities along with military chiefs and representatives of secular parties, gave us a warm reception and a guided tour of the planet’s delightful landscapes. But every time we point a nanoCam into the labyrinthine tunnels of Niffis, we are greeted with a shake of the antennae and slogans such as “We will eat the antenna beads of the infidels!” and “Walk the death spiral!”

Spokesmen for the Muqus assure us time and time again that they are peaceful, loving creatures who support dissent and opposition. From what we’ve seen, that may be true as long as they get to snap off the antennae of their opponents.

They insist they are the people’s choice, and then kill any Chillok trying to conduct a popular poll about that claim. We tried to conduct a poll of our own and inserted tiny flyers with detachable slips into the city tunnels. We are confident the words were translated correctly, but film from our nanoCams just shows Chilloks tearing along the dotted lines at top speed.

It is spoken. This is me, yukawa3, the MMBC’s Oov correspondent, signing off from the Chillok city of Niffis.

Visit MMBC News regularly for up-to-the-minute news from around the universe: intergalactic events, features and analysis from Ynonmaq Decimus, Oov, the Pale Blue Dot and all the other inhabited planets. Our mission is to get at the truth and do amazing things with it.

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About thespeedofdark

David Winship has written an unauthorised autobiography and several critically disdained literary tomes. His work is frequently compared with Steinbeck, Orwell and Hemingway, but unfortunately Mike Steinbeck, Daisy Orwell and Howard Hemingway were all terrible writers. He has been totally overlooked for the most prestigious literary awards worldwide, which is a shame as most of the words are spelled correctly. In fact, his books contain material that ranks with the finest literary works in history: all the right letters are there, just not necessarily in the right order.

Dave’s blog (The Speed Of Dark Blog) is part of his crusade for truth and justice and universal entitlement to free real ale. It may well be that his whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

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Category(s): Humour, Nonsense, Satire, Voyager Series
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