The End Of The 13th Baktun
Presented by polkingbeal67 & smolin9

Earthwatch presenters – polkingbeal67 & smolin9
“Join us to watch human life unfold on the Pale Blue Dot.”

MMBC Earthwatch
Highlights, interviews and analysis from Earth’s media (Dec 2012)
Despite all the predictions of Mayan apocalypse, the world did not end on December 21. A cataclysmic event was expected by some to coincide with the conclusion of the 13th Baktun of the Mayan calendar, but the apocalypse failed to turn up on schedule.

smolin9: Don’t you think it makes us look stupid? We’re no better at predicting things than the Earthlings.
polkingbeal67: Yeh, it’s embarrassing. We were so sure our planet was going to be destroyed. We had all those end-of-the-world sales and everything. Actually, I’m ashamed to say the whole thing became utterly commercialised. Then we discovered Earth and thought we could colonise it, only to find it was unsuitable. As a matter of fact, there were rumours that the apocalypse was coming to Earth too. It all seemed so hopeless. You know, we’re actually worse than the Earthlings. Most of them scoffed at the doomsday prophesy, while our people on Morys Minor entombed themselves in survival pods.
smolin9: That’s right. At least they can have a big party when they come out and discover there was no apocalypse.
polkingbeal67: They won’t have time. They’ll have to get working on a new calendar straight away.
smolin9: Ha ha ha ha ha.
polkingbeal67: Did I say something funny?
smolin9: You said they won’t have time. Ha ha ha ha! I was just… Because… Oh never mind. If they’re going to invent a new calendar, do you think we could have one without Mondays?
polkingbeal67: Personally, I’ve always thought the end of the world will come when the forces of darkness triumph over the forces of light.
smolin9: You mean like a president gets utterly wasted, fumbles around for a light switch and flicks the nuclear launch button by mistake?
polkingbeal67: Why are you such a bubblehead?
smolin9: Anyway, why do they need to invent a new calendar?
polkingbeal67: I suppose they could just start another Baktun. That way, we’d have another 144,000 days.
smolin9: We’d better wrap this up. I need the bathroom.
polkingbeal67: We’re on interplanetary television. Can’t you just hold it?
smolin9: Not for another 144,000 days. Anyway, now that I think about it, I thought the end of the world had come a few days ago when you arrived back from Earth without taking your time travel sickness antidote. Your speech was slow and dull and your eyes were lifeless.
polkingbeal67: You thought I was dying? You were worried about me? You thought losing me would be the end of your world?
smolin9: No. I thought the end of the world had come ‘cos you looked like a zombie.


© MMBC (Morys Minor Broadcasting Corporation)



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See also:
The Wormhole Reports
Smolin9’s Snapshots

About thespeedofdark

David Winship has written an unauthorised autobiography and several critically disdained literary tomes. His work is frequently compared with Steinbeck, Orwell and Hemingway, but unfortunately Mike Steinbeck, Daisy Orwell and Howard Hemingway were all terrible writers. He has been totally overlooked for the most prestigious literary awards worldwide, which is a shame as most of the words are spelled correctly. In fact, his books contain material that ranks with the finest literary works in history: all the right letters are there, just not necessarily in the right order.

Dave’s blog (The Speed Of Dark Blog) is part of his crusade for truth and justice and universal entitlement to free real ale. It may well be that his whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

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Category(s): Earthwatch, Humour, Nonsense
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