Felix Baumgartner
Presented by polkingbeal67 & smolin9

Earthwatch presenters – polkingbeal67 & smolin9
“Join us to watch human life unfold on the Pale Blue Dot.”

MMBC Earthwatch
Highlights, interviews and analysis from Earth’s media
Austrian Felix Baumgartner became the first skydiver to go faster than the speed of sound, jumping out of a balloon from the edge of space – 24 miles above New Mexico. The 43-year-old also smashed the record for the highest ever freefall. “Sometimes you have to be really high to see how small you really are,” he said. “I didn’t feel a sonic boom because I was so busy just trying to stabilise myself. We’ll have to wait and see if we really broke the sound barrier. It was really a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.”

Felix Baumgartner's record-breaking jump

smolin9: One thing I don’t understand. Apparently, this guy said he almost aborted the dive because his helmet visor fogged up. How could he abort the dive? If Earthlings have developed a way of switching gravity off, how would they do it without affecting everybody else? So you’re enjoying a nice Sunday afternoon by the river, when the water all turns to globules and floats away, along with your deckchair and your picnic. What do you do – just shrug your shoulders and say ‘Oh dear, never mind, old Felix must be having a bit of trouble with his visor’?
polkingbeal67: I think you’re jumping to a few conclusions there.
smolin9: Felix Baumgartner would have been jumping to a conclusion if his chute hadn’t opened.
polkingbeal67: I’m sure even Earthlings are capable of thoroughly testing these things. There’s no way it would have failed.
smolin9: Yeh, even if it had, I’m sure they’d have given him a refund or a replacement.
polkingbeal67: By the way, did you notice the location of Baumgartner’s jump? It was over Roswell, New Mexico, where a terrible abomination against our race took place over half a century ago.
smolin9: Oh yeh. Now, right there – that’s an example of a truly awful parachute. When our engineers said it was guaranteed to open on impact, why did no one think…? Anyway, I couldn’t do what Baumgartner did. I’m terrified of heights.
polkingbeal67: Really? That’s illogical. How can heights, or widths for that matter, be terrifying? Fear of falling makes more sense. So, yes, skydiving – there’s nothing to it really.
smolin9: Well, of course, the hard part is the ground.
polkingbeal67: You crazy bubblehead! Mind you, he was 24 miles up, so if his chute hadn’t opened, he would have had a long time to think about it before he hit the ground.
smolin9: Yeh, plenty of time. The rest of his life! Earthlings have a saying: if at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. But I tell you what, I’m impressed with his survival suit.
polkingbeal67: Yes, without it, his blood would have boiled and his lungs might have exploded.
smolin9: Right. I really must get one for my next visit to Earth. That’s exactly what happens to me when I watch their reality TV.


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About thespeedofdark

David Winship has written an unauthorised autobiography and several critically disdained literary tomes. His work is frequently compared with Steinbeck, Orwell and Hemingway, but unfortunately Mike Steinbeck, Daisy Orwell and Howard Hemingway were all terrible writers. He has been totally overlooked for the most prestigious literary awards worldwide, which is a shame as most of the words are spelled correctly. In fact, his books contain material that ranks with the finest literary works in history: all the right letters are there, just not necessarily in the right order.

Dave’s blog (The Speed Of Dark Blog) is part of his crusade for truth and justice and universal entitlement to free real ale. It may well be that his whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

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