Neanderthal Cloning
Presented by polkingbeal67 & smolin9

Earthwatch presenters – polkingbeal67 & smolin9
“Join us to watch human life unfold on the Pale Blue Dot.”

MMBC Earthwatch
Highlights, interviews and analysis from Earth’s media (Jan 2013)
A genetics professor of Harvard School of Medicine is looking for a woman to act as a surrogate mother to a Neanderthal baby. Professor George Church, who helped start the Human Genome Project that mapped human DNA, plans to use fossil bones to reconstruct the DNA of a Neanderthal and reintroduce the species. He believes it could lead to cures for diseases such as cancer and HIV, and hold the key to living longer. “We can clone all kinds of mammals, so it’s very likely that we could clone a human,” he is reported as saying. “I have already managed to attract enough DNA from fossil bones to reconstruct the DNA of the human species largely extinct. Now I need an adventurous female human. Neanderthals might think differently than we do. We know that they had a larger cranial size. They could even be more intelligent than us.”

smolin9: Hey, whaddup, p? So Earthlings are advanced enough to clone an extinct species!
polkingbeal67: You think? Cloning is a serious matter. You have to have your science reconciled with your morality. Earthling humans can’t get this right even with trivial science. The last time I was down there on the Pale Blue Dot, their scientists had figured out how to put musical ringtones on their communication devices. But they let these things go off loudly in public all the time. So annoying!
smolin9: Yeh, and what’s with those car alarms? What is the point of them? No one ever rushes to apprehend the thief, the car owner never realises it’s his car and, in the end, everyone just wishes the thief would hurry up and take the car so they can get some peace!
polkingbeal67: Personally I don’t think humans should be allowed to multiply at all.
smolin9: Or divide. Ha ha.
polkingbeal67: Divide?
smolin9: Cloning involves cell division. So, in this context, multiplying is the same as dividing!
polkingbeal67: Right. Anyway, all I’m saying is you have to know what you’re doing with genetic engineering.
smolin9: They’ve already been doing genetic engineering with plants and animals.
polkingbeal67: That’s different. Cloning your own species is another matter. You mark my words. Before you know it, they’ll be trying to enhance their children’s looks or intelligence or whatever – designer genes.
smolin9: They’ve already got designer jeans too.
polkingbeal67: You bubblehead! I’m serious. They should stick to cloning animals until they’ve got their ethical issues sorted out.
smolin9: Yeh, fair enough. Actually they’ve hardly scratched the surface when it comes to animal cloning and genetic modification. For example, just imagine if they crossed their chickens with their cows. They’d have a new breed that produces red meat, white meat, milk and eggs. All from one animal!
polkingbeal67: Wait, would it have wings? And a beak?
smolin9: That’s a point. Imagine a herd of bovine animals weighing 1400 pounds each, all flapping around and pecking. You wouldn’t want to have to milk one of them!
polkingbeal67: Anyway, come to think of it, is it certain that the Neanderthal strain has actually died out?
smolin9: Mm. Makes you think. As you know, I’ve been to some of their football matches…
polkingbeal67: What’s that sound? Is it just me, or is that the theme tune of that earthling movie, Star Wars?
smolin9: Yeh sorry, it’s my new, er, ringtone.


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The Wormhole Reports
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About thespeedofdark

David Winship has written an unauthorised autobiography and several critically disdained literary tomes. His work is frequently compared with Steinbeck, Orwell and Hemingway, but unfortunately Mike Steinbeck, Daisy Orwell and Howard Hemingway were all terrible writers. He has been totally overlooked for the most prestigious literary awards worldwide, which is a shame as most of the words are spelled correctly. In fact, his books contain material that ranks with the finest literary works in history: all the right letters are there, just not necessarily in the right order.

Dave’s blog (The Speed Of Dark Blog) is part of his crusade for truth and justice and universal entitlement to free real ale. It may well be that his whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

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Category(s): Earthwatch, Humour, Nonsense, Science
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