Facebook: a dire tribe

They sold me a dream of friendship
They sold me a network site…
They said it’s so cool on Facebook
They said it will rule the earth
Hallelujah Noel be it heaven or hell
The Facebook you get you deserve

(with apologies to Greg Lake)

Facebook is a social utility that connects people with friends and others who work, study and live around them, bla, bla, bla.

Unfortunately, Mr Zuckerberg, it’s actually a time-wasting, addictive, aggravating pile of trivial, mindless garbage that has been progressively eroding my faith in humanity.

It has transformed the people I think of as perfectly nice people in real life into lame, childish, attention-seeking, egotistical, immature, narcissistic, self-absorbed idiots with the collective IQ of a Facebook share price. They post updates about anything and everything to everyone. They post things like pictures of their feet while they’re sitting on a sofa or videos of cats doing cute or “amazing” things. They persist in prompting me to play utterly pointless games like Bubble Safari. They think it’s cool to batter me with endless waves of dubious jokes or FarmVille score updates (yes, I know you can filter them out, but that’s not the point). Some of them have changed their relationship status so often, it should now default to ‘unstable’. Every time I sign in, it’s like deja vu all over again – someone’s got wasted and behaved stupidly and someone’s posted a picture of it.

So, Mr Zuckerberg, how did you do this to me, my family and friends? What devilish forces have you unleashed here? How did you make us all appear so, so dumb? Well, whatever you did, it worked.

I know none of you will like this (lol), but it really is time we all stopped talking to a wall and went out and did stuff. Facebook is sinking under the sheer weight of dross and I’m jumping ship.

About thespeedofdark

David Winship has written an unauthorised autobiography and several critically disdained literary tomes. His work is frequently compared with Steinbeck, Orwell and Hemingway, but unfortunately Mike Steinbeck, Daisy Orwell and Howard Hemingway were all terrible writers. He has been totally overlooked for the most prestigious literary awards worldwide, which is a shame as most of the words are spelled correctly. In fact, his books contain material that ranks with the finest literary works in history: all the right letters are there, just not necessarily in the right order.

Dave’s blog (The Speed Of Dark Blog) is part of his crusade for truth and justice and universal entitlement to free real ale. It may well be that his whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

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Category(s): Opinion, Science or Pasta
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