The Wormhole Reports
The official home of the Wormhole Reports. Find out what happened when Voyager 1 got picked up by two itinerant spacecombers from Morys Minor...
Earthwatch Uncovered is the inside story of the popular MMBC tele-immersion series. It goes behind the scenes to chart the fortunes of the much-loved earthlings revealed on the show and to unveil some of the off-camera antics of the presenters...
My next book will be the ultimate key to the map of life, a jeweled window to the soul of mankind, an illuminating journey through the complexities and mysteries of the human condition. In the meantime, just make do with this story about wacky space aliens.
The official page for Earthwatch, the MMBC series which charts the fortunes of the inhabitants of Earth during their annual trip around the star they couldn't be bothered to name in a solar system they also couldn't be bothered to name...
Here is a collection of short pieces of prose, including non sequiturs and slightly skewed surrealist stories. Don't believe me? Well, to prove it, here's a picture of a man being fired from a cannon:
Scientists are racing to find dark matter in the universe. You may find some of it here in the form of conspiracy theories, dark secrets, sinister and bizarre tales...
If reading stories is medicine for the soul, it certainly doesn't apply to these stories. Unless you're a hypochondriac. Your ID may be required to check your age...
Raising a racket at Upper Gummtrey Tennis Club...
The downloads on this site (e.g. pdf versions of Man Flu and Shackleton's Shed) are free. If you would like to donate a small sum of money to be invested in the upkeep of the site then please scroll down to the bottom of this page and click on the 'Donate' button. Somebody sometime has got to make money from the internet. Let it be me.
This intergalactically recognised award was presented to The Speed Of Dark Blog by The Speed Of Dark Awards Commission.
I am delighted to have been nominated for the 2012 Tony Blair Ducking Under The Bar Award for boldly raising the bar and diving under it. I knew I had the potential to be a great underachiever. I've racked up another prestigious award - the Eric Morecambe 'Mister Preview' Prize. According to the award citation, The Speed Of Dark Blog contains material that ranks with the finest literary works in history. All the right letters are there, but not necessarily in the right order.
This is just to draw your attention to a totally awesome feature of this blog. A random aphorism/one-liner/quote now appears at the top of the page AND, if you click on it, you get another one!! Too much of a good thing can be truly wonderful!
Don't sign me up!
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Category Archives: Satire
Government postpones badger cull BBC News, Tuesday 23 October 2012 Controversial government plans to cull thousands of badgers have been delayed amid questions over the cost and effectiveness of the scheme. Environment Secretary Owen Paterson’s Commons statement confirmed speculation that … Continue reading
Department of Transport gets its sums wrong The Spectator, Wednesday 3 October 2012 New Transport Secretary Patrick McLoughlin has announced the West Coast Mainline franchise competition will have to be re-run. Civil servants checking their sums before a court case … Continue reading
Liberal Democrats will “do things differently” The Independent, Thursday 20 September 2012 Nick Clegg has made an abject apology to the nation for his broken promise on university tuition fees in a final attempt to stop his U-turn haunting his … Continue reading
Scientists cure deafness in gerbils For many gerbils, deafness has a particularly disabling and debilitating impact on work, cage and social interaction. It’s a major breakthrough as it offers a treatment option for thousands of gerbils around the world. The … Continue reading
A vision of post-Assad democracy BBC News, Tuesday 28 August 2012 French President Francois Hollande has urged Syrian opposition groups to form a provisional government. “France asks the Syrian opposition to constitute a provisional government that is inclusive, representative, that … Continue reading
Los Angeles Times, Sunday 19 August 2012 Rep. Todd Akin was asked in a television interview about whether he supports access to abortion in the case of rape. “It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really … Continue reading
They sold me a dream of friendship They sold me a network site… They said it’s so cool on Facebook They said it will rule the earth Hallelujah Noel be it heaven or hell The Facebook you get you deserve … Continue reading
India launches Mars mission CNN, Thursday 16 August 2012 Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has announced his country has set its sights on the Red Planet. In a speech marking India’s independence day, Singh said his government has approved plans … Continue reading