The Wormhole Reports
The official home of the Wormhole Reports. Find out what happened when Voyager 1 got picked up by two itinerant spacecombers from Morys Minor...Earthwatch Uncovered
Earthwatch Uncovered is the inside story of the popular MMBC tele-immersion series. It goes behind the scenes to chart the fortunes of the much-loved earthlings revealed on the show and to unveil some of the off-camera antics of the presenters...
My next book will be the ultimate key to the map of life, a jeweled window to the soul of mankind, an illuminating journey through the complexities and mysteries of the human condition. In the meantime, just make do with this story about wacky space aliens.Man Flu
A deadly epidemic of Man Flu starts claiming the lives of birds in the West Hill dominion. A magpie known as Pica Pica identifies the problem, but no one believes him...Earthwatch
The official page for Earthwatch, the MMBC series which charts the fortunes of the inhabitants of Earth during their annual trip around the star they couldn't be bothered to name in a solar system they also couldn't be bothered to name...Slightly Surreal
Here is a collection of short pieces of prose, including non sequiturs and slightly skewed surrealist stories. Don't believe me? Well, to prove it, here's a picture of a man being fired from a cannon:
Dark Matter
Scientists are racing to find dark matter in the universe. You may find some of it here in the form of conspiracy theories, dark secrets, sinister and bizarre tales...Children’s Stories
If reading stories is medicine for the soul, it certainly doesn't apply to these stories. Unless you're a hypochondriac. Your ID may be required to check your age...The Moonwalkers
The only people ever to have set foot on an astronomical object other than Earth...Featured Page
Tip Jar
The downloads on this site (e.g. pdf versions of Man Flu and Shackleton's Shed) are free. If you would like to donate a small sum of money to be invested in the upkeep of the site then please scroll down to the bottom of this page and click on the 'Donate' button. Somebody sometime has got to make money from the internet. Let it be me.Awards
This intergalactically recognised award was presented to The Speed Of Dark Blog by The Speed Of Dark Awards Commission.
I am delighted to have been nominated for the 2012 Tony Blair Ducking Under The Bar Award for boldly raising the bar and diving under it. I knew I had the potential to be a great underachiever. 
I've racked up another prestigious award - the Eric Morecambe 'Mister Preview' Prize. According to the award citation, The Speed Of Dark Blog contains material that ranks with the finest literary works in history. All the right letters are there, but not necessarily in the right order. -
Don't sign me up!
Category Archives: Satire
Woke up, fell out of bed …
Government postpones badger cull BBC News, Tuesday 23 October 2012 Controversial government plans to cull thousands of badgers have been delayed amid questions over the cost and effectiveness of the scheme. Environment Secretary Owen Paterson’s Commons statement confirmed speculation that … Continue reading
Posted in Satire, Woke up, fell out of bed ...
Tagged badger cull, bovine TB, Environment Secretary, Owen Paterson
Woke up, fell out of bed …
Department of Transport gets its sums wrong The Spectator, Wednesday 3 October 2012 New Transport Secretary Patrick McLoughlin has announced the West Coast Mainline franchise competition will have to be re-run. Civil servants checking their sums before a court case … Continue reading
WUFOOB … (Sep – Dec 2012)
Posted in
Tagged Abu Qatada, Andrew Mitchell, Archbishop of Canterbury, ash trees, badger cull, Barack Obama, biofuel research centre, Boris Johnson, Church of England, climate change, Culture Secretary, Department of Transport, Downing Street, Dr Marcelo Rivolta, Edinburgh Napier University, fiscal cliff, fox hunting, gategate, gay marriage, gerbil, Health Secretary, IPSA, Jeremy Hunt, John Bercow, Justin Welby, Lord McAlpine, Mayan Apocalypse, moon trips, MPs expenses, Nick Clegg's promises, Owen Paterson, RSPCA, Twitter, University of Sheffield, West Coast Mainline franchise, Whisky 'petrol', women bishops
Woke up, fell out of bed …
Liberal Democrats will “do things differently” The Independent, Thursday 20 September 2012 Nick Clegg has made an abject apology to the nation for his broken promise on university tuition fees in a final attempt to stop his U-turn haunting his … Continue reading
Woke up, fell out of bed …
Scientists cure deafness in gerbils For many gerbils, deafness has a particularly disabling and debilitating impact on work, cage and social interaction. It’s a major breakthrough as it offers a treatment option for thousands of gerbils around the world. The … Continue reading
Woke up, fell out of bed …
A vision of post-Assad democracy BBC News, Tuesday 28 August 2012 French President Francois Hollande has urged Syrian opposition groups to form a provisional government. “France asks the Syrian opposition to constitute a provisional government that is inclusive, representative, that … Continue reading
Posted in Satire, Woke up, fell out of bed ...
Tagged al-Qaeda, BBC, Francois Hollande, Free Syrian Army, Syrian opposition
Woke up, fell out of bed …
Los Angeles Times, Sunday 19 August 2012 Rep. Todd Akin was asked in a television interview about whether he supports access to abortion in the case of rape. “It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really … Continue reading
Posted in Satire, Woke up, fell out of bed ...
Tagged abortion, rape, Republican Party, Todd Akin
Facebook: a dire tribe
They sold me a dream of friendship They sold me a network site… They said it’s so cool on Facebook They said it will rule the earth Hallelujah Noel be it heaven or hell The Facebook you get you deserve … Continue reading
Posted in Opinion, Science or Pasta
Tagged CityVille, facebook, FarmVille, Mark Zuckerberg
Woke up, fell out of bed …
India launches Mars mission CNN, Thursday 16 August 2012 Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has announced his country has set its sights on the Red Planet. In a speech marking India’s independence day, Singh said his government has approved plans … Continue reading
Posted in Humour, Satire, Science, Woke up, fell out of bed ...
Tagged call centre, CNN, India, Manmohan Singh, Mars mission, outsourcing, space probe
Woke up, fell out of bed …
Associated Press, Friday 20 July 2012 That Pepsi T-shirt and Nike sneakers may seem perfect for a trip to Olympic Park, but will they fall foul of the brand police?… “No, you probably wouldn’t be walking in with a Pepsi … Continue reading
Posted in Humour, Satire, Woke up, fell out of bed ...
Tagged Adidas, Associated News, Coca-Cola, Nike, Olympic Park, Olympic security, Olympic sponsorship, Olympics, Pepsi, Sebastian Coe
