Planet Investigation
Investigator: smolin9
Target Planet: The Pale Blue Dot
Date Investigator Assigned: 12.19.18.11.11
Investigation Scope:
The investigation will focus on the suitability of the target planet for colonisation. The objective of the investigation is to determine the credibility of the referral source (Jimmy Carter, Voyager 1).
Investigator Diary 12.19.19.5.18:
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| polkingbeal67: | This is polkingbeal67 reporting back to the mother planet from the Pale Blue Dot. | |
| smolin9: | And me. | |
| polkingbeal67: | And you? | |
| smolin9: | I’m also reporting back. I was here before you, remember? I’m the one who did all the groundwork, patiently studying the life-forms and building up a network of useful contacts before you came blundering on the scene in full battle-dress and no cloaking device, terrifying two humans and a dog walking in the park! | |
| polkingbeal67: | That was no dog. It was a mutant goopmutt. | |
| smolin9: | What do you mean? Of course it was a dog! It had five toes on its forefeet and four toes on its hind feet, with non-retractile claws. It was a domesticated carnivorous mammal of the family Canidae. It had a tail and it barked. It was a dog! | |
| polkingbeal67: | It growled and bared its teeth, just like a goopmutt. | |
| smolin9: | That’s what dogs do when they’re scared. | |
| polkingbeal67: | You crazy prokaryote! It was a mutant goopmutt! Let me explain to you. If it was just a dog, why did the humans worship it? | |
| smolin9: | What? | |
| polkingbeal67: | They followed behind and collected its excrement. If that’s not worship, I don’t know what is! | |
| smolin9: | You thought it was a mutant goopmutt, eh? Is that why you ran away? | |
| polkingbeal67: | May I remind you that you ran too? In fact, you ran first. | |
| smolin9: | I’m scared of dogs! | |
| polkingbeal67: | You would never have outrun it anyway. | |
| smolin9: | I didn’t need to outrun it. | |
| polkingbeal67: | Why not? | |
| smolin9: | I only needed to outrun you. | |
| polkingbeal67: | Eh? Anyway, it was ridiculous – two proud warriors from Morys Minor running in abject terror from a mutant goopmutt! | |
| smolin9: | Dog. | |
| polkingbeal67: | Whatever. | |
| smolin9: | Well, what I want to know is – why did it just keel over and die like that? You never told me. What did it die of? | |
| polkingbeal67: | Oh, nothing serious. | |
| smolin9: | Nothing serious? It died, didn’t it? I think that makes it quite serious for the dog. | |
| polkingbeal67: | Goopmutt. | |
| smolin9: | Did you shoot it? | |
| polkingbeal67: | What? Of course not. Er, I used mind control. Have you never heard of psychological warfare? | |
| smolin9: | You can’t actually physically kill something using psychological weapons! | |
| polkingbeal67: | Bubblehead! I didn’t use mind control on the goopmutt. I used it on you. | |
| smolin9: | Me? | |
| polkingbeal67: | Yes. I fooled you into believing it was dead. | |
| smolin9: | What?! | |
| polkingbeal67: | Okay, okay, I shot it! It kept coming up behind me and sniffing me! | |
| smolin9: | I expect it was only trying to worship you! | |
| polkingbeal67: | Okay, signing off. Keep the wormhole open. |
All Rights Reserved
Keeping both feet on the ground while the mind takes a leap in the dark.
(Please visit again soon. I'll keep the wormhole open.)
